Christmas lights music piano sadness blues

This month has flown by and I admit I feel a little bit overwhelmed.

I am finally getting what I want in many ways, and yet I am feeling like a failure because I didn’t have time to do a lot of the fun leading-up-to-Christmas stuff that we usually do.

Right now, as I type, I am having a horrible case of the guilts.

I hate guilt. Hate it. It’s useless. It’s as bad as shame. As a matter of fact, Shame can take a flying leap hand-in-hand with Guilt off the tallest cliff they can find. They need to go away. Seriously.

I am doing the best that I can.

What if it isn’t good enough?

It feels like it isn’t good enough, right now, and that – let me tell you – stinks.

I am here with two kids on their first official day off from school. I should (ugh.. Should might need to grab the ankle of Shame as it starts the decent from that cliff.) be doing something fun with my kids.

What am I doing? 

I am ruminating about things I cannot change.

I am worrying about something that is beyond late that should have been done in November and of letting people down.

I am wondering when I will figure out how to be in three places at once and make all those places the happiest places ever.

I am being stupid because none of my rumination, worry or wonder can possibly make everything perfect.

AND! OH MY DEAR SWEET LORD! Perfect better be the pilot of the leap from that stOOpid cliff because it is the WORST!

Why do I do this to myself?

I know I am not the only one. I know that this, the most wonderful time of the year, can be a challenge to anyone at any given time. I know people are far from family and want to be near or they are near to family and would love to be anywhere but there.

No one has all the answers.

I know this to be true.

I do.

But what I wouldn’t give to be able to control it all.

I would be the merriest of festive fascists, ever!

Everyone would get what they want and need and no one would be without.

Not happiness, or health, or love, or food, or family, or friends, or festivity.

It would be – oh, I hate to say it – perf- NO! I refuse. 

It would be ideal. 

In the meantime, this is today’s soundtrack.

Now please excuse me, while I continue my annual ugly cry at my desk.

It’s okay. I’ll be fine.

Mr. Rogers was onto something. Crying really does get the sad out of you.

So, tell me, how are you holding up?

I know I am not alone. I never am, really.

Go ahead. Let it out.

 

Source

 

 

10 Comments on December Has Been A Blur

  1. I hear you. I do.
    Today we have a lot going on and I am right now thinking about how I haven’t made and decorated sugar cookies with the boys like I had wanted to. I know if I do it now, I will be overwhelmed at supper time when things get really hectic again. I don’t know when we’ll have a chance to do it, because the next couple of days are busy, too.
    So I am reminding myself of that time we didn’t make and decorate cookies until December 27th. And it was fine. And happy and messy and sweet. And it didn’t matter much WHEN it happened, only that it did.
    And that makes me feel better about not putting that on my plate today.
    I hope your season settles into a happy routine and that guilt, shame, and perfect do take a flying leap off that cliff. They are so not helpful, but they do love hanging around.

    • I have become so much better at managing my expectations, so I should be grateful for that much at least, but there is always that one minuscule thing that causes me to become so disappointed. It is very silly. I see that clearly. And yet …

      I agree with you about the cookies. We don’t need more cookies! We don’t need much of anything at all really.. especially in the grand scheme of things. You know what I am doing currently? I am editing a VERY late blog post and baking cookies to give away. Yup. Not gifts that will be boxed up all fancy like. Just cookies for people who might otherwise not have cookies. It feels good. Crazy is as crazy does and I am embracing my particular brand of crazy to make someone else’s holiday nice. I may not have it all together, but I appreciate what I have enough to give to someone with less.

      And Yay! Guilt, Shame, Perfection are currently taking a long walk off a short dock! πŸ˜€ Merry Christmas! You are one of the nicest people I know.

  2. Hey – you’re definitely not alone! Although I still need to remind myself often, it took me a long time to learn that feeling guilt and worry doesn’t accomplish anything except to make myself miserable, and that doesn’t help anyone. It’s ok not to meet expectations – life will go on and you will still be loved.

    • Thank you. I know. I almost never am. πŸ™‚ Thank goodness!

      You are absolutely right! It all gets done.. goes on.. manages.. without my worry or ridiculousness.

      One of these years I’ll remember.

      Merry Christmas! I wish I could pop in to visit with you and yours. πŸ™‚

  3. I hear you. I’m just not in the holiday spirit because I can’t physically do all the “stuff” I usually do for Christmas. Like bake and decorate cookies, shop for the perfect gifts for all, spend time wrapping them oh so nicely, cleaning every nook and cranny of my house, etc, etc. Everything is in a, “that’s good enough” state right now because I’m just so ungainly. I was stressed a few weeks ago but now I’m in a more C’est la vie state of mind. Next year I probably will have to pick and choose what get’s done too because we’ll have a busy 11 month old getting into everything πŸ™‚

    • I had my very first baby 8 days before Christmas and like a crazy lady I was shopping for turkey and all the fixings on Christmas Eve! πŸ˜€

      You cannot take the Elf out of the Elf. Hah!

      Good enough will do just fine, Heather. You are doing so well! I cannot wait to meet the little turkey! You know, last year at Podcamp is when I met Laura O’s Little L! Maybe The Littlest Little will be there this year? πŸ˜‰

      Merry Christmas to you and yours. Relax as often as you can and for goodness sake let the people who are NOT 9 most pregnant take care of you for a change.:D

  4. “I am doing the best that I can.

    What if it isn’t good enough?

    It feels like it isn’t good enough, right now, and that – let me tell you – stinks.”

    It is good enough. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with good enough πŸ™‚

    • First of all, thank you for reading and for leaving such a kind comment. That was very sweet and I really appreciate it.

      As you can tell, I took a bit of a break. I needed it.

      I hope your New Year is off to a happy start!

Leave a Reply