I had no intention of blogging tonight. (Well not here at least.)
I’d really rather be doing something else. (Eating chocolate, mostly.)
However, here I am. (Hi! Fancy meeting you here!)
I have a PSA*. (Pullleeeease STOP Arguing!)
Today, while sunny and nice outside, has been ridiculous.
There were homework woes that have not been displayed so outwardly in years.
I forgot how trying it could be.
Well, no. Not quite forgotten. I will never forget the struggles we have gone through.
It is more like I had hoped a milestone had been passed for good, but clearly no, that is not the case.
Life, is not really well known for being so simple, is it?
The frustration of feeling your child’s frustration is awful. I swear to you that I know this kid better than he knows himself. I know the way he is feeling. I know that I do. They are his feelings, though, so he must feel them. I try my best to help him help himself. I encourage. I monitor. I remind. I know.
I do all these things and yet I end up feeling like the enemy. I can do and I can know all these things, but I cannot experience his life. I cannot live it. I can’t make him understand these things anymore than someone could understand them for me. And you know what? That really stinks!
How frustrating for the frustrated to not understand that I understand.
It gets a bit tangled right about there. Hands tied. Deep breaths. Bite tongue. Walk away. Just for a little while. A minute or two. Go have some water. Figure out dinner. Make a plan. Check on his little sister. Let cooler heads prevail.
I am not a fan of all this sadness. It is draining.
I am totally exhausted right now. I feel like my day has been stolen. Everyone’s has. Everyone’s.
Not the way I prefer to end a week. Or start a week. What is Sunday? Is it the end or the beginning? I am too tired to choose. Does it even matter? (Now I have Semisonic’s “Closing Time” running through my head. You know? “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”)
It would be worse to maybe never feel it though. My empathy, I must believe, is a strength.
Hoo boy! This day.
It feels like the Toddler phase is never-ending ’round here.
Alas, feelings are not facts. I say it. I believe it. I must apply it to myself.
Sorry if I scared the bajoopees out of those of you currently parenting Toddlers, earlier.
It really does get better. I promise. It does.
It’s just that, for me, today, I felt like all the steps forward were being outnumbered by all the steps back.
*Go ahead, fire away with all the things PSA could stand for. I meant Public Service Announcement, but I admit some pretty funny not so PG words also popped into my head. Meh. At least my sense of humour is still intact**.
**Full disclosure: It was hanging by a thread not too long ago and quite frankly is still a bit iffy***.
***When Thing 1 was teeny, he used to say “Iffy Daisy!” instead of “Oopsie Daisy!”, which was something we said a lot. Mostly, because we had a teeny Thing 1 who was busy dropping and spilling things.
It has been a rainy 24 hours or so, but fortunately the sun really seems like it is trying to shine. No actual sunshine, as of yet, of course, but the grey skies overhead are nice and bright.
I am sitting here silently cheering it on.
Inside my head? Oh, inside I am full on “Rah! Rah! Siss boom bah!”ing, but Thing 2 has a friend over and I don’t want to appear any quirkier (which, if I’m being honest, is *pretty* quirky) than usual, so I am giving them some space right now.
Kids need time to just be. They are making their own plans as they go along and there were murmurings of “fort” not too long ago, so frankly, I am curious to see what they come up with.
I’m risky like that.
In a little while I’ll offer snacks and drinks and they’ll happily chat while they eat together. It’s really sweet to hear their breathless giggles (So much giggling!) and to see the way they enjoy each others company. It’s a rare treat to have a playdate all afternoon on a Wednesday. What luck to have a PD Day smack-dab in the middle of the week!
These are the days I cherish. I am so thankful I get to be here today.
You know what else I am thankful for?
In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt. Margaret Atwood
So, after the kiddos have a snack, we are going to plant some seeds. Yay!
Now, I just have to find the old fashioned flower mix seeds I have had hanging around this place forever.
Where did I put them to keep them safe?
(Well isn’t that the best phrase to hear when you need something immediately? “Somewhere safe” loosely translates into, “You will never see <insert item here> again. Muah ha ha ha!”)
Maybe my items are a tad more sinister than yours, but yeah, that’s pretty accurate, I’d say.
I’ll be back. *pfft* As if you’d know I ever left! *winks*
If I told you how many times this week this one little load of laundry has been washed and forgotten you would throw your hands up at me. (And not in that ” and wave ’em like you just don’t care, yay-we-are-so-happy-we-must-dance way, either. In that “pfft I give up. YOU are hopeless!” way. But I digress …)
I am mad at myself. This is so wasteful!
How can I remember – before I run out of underwear – that there is laundry in the washing machine?
I live a distracted life.
Many of us do.
Once upon a time I had the most beautiful washing machine. It was the coolest colour and it had a buzzer on it that was so loud it could make your heart stop. Man, I loved that thing.
That was what seems like a lifetime ago, now, though. Long ago and far away, when Thing 1 was teeny and I was blonde – because my hair grew out of my head that way, naturally – as opposed to, well.. never mind!
My point is …
Please tell me I am not alone in my forgetfulness.
*Look! I made a meme. I’m so proud! The lengths I’ll go to for my tens of readers. I mean, really!
These days are a challenge for everyone, so I’m sharing!
Mini Eggs have 210 calories and 28g of carbohydrates (not to mention 10g of fat, 6g of which are saturated!) for 42 grams, or about 17 eggs .
Hmm? Whassat? Oh, no. No reason. Just a random fact*.
I like to educate.
*kicks invisible pebbles*
*sighs loudly in exasperation*
Maaaayyyybe I found the hidden Mini Eggs. Maybe.
Who’s to say? It’s a mystery, really.
Anyway, before I do any more damage to my plans, and to circumvent any damage you might be about to do to yours, I thought I’d come and share these facts with you.
The truth hurts.
The truth shall set me free.
Contradiction. It’s a fact of life.
A life I’d like to keep living for a really long time.
Now excuse me while I take those seventeen Mini Eggs and disperse them between the Things’ Easter baskets. They won’t divide evenly and though that could drive me mad, I will not eat another stOOpid egg! One Thing will just have to get an extra egg. It all evens out in the wash, as they say.
Oh, and I have also sealed the bag and tossed it way up into the cupboard of sin that I can’t reach.
So, how is your Monday going?
Any hurdles to share?
What is motivating you today?
Whatever it is, I hope you have it in abundance.
*Here’s another fact: I ate another Mini Egg when I went to get the bag to check my facts. Somebody stop me!
Some of the stress is external due to circumstances beyond my control.
Some is from a pure lack of self control these past couple of months.
I think I am starting to really see my role in it.
Seeing it is never enough, though, is it?
I haven’t been posting because I always assume no one wants to hear me.
Maybe I shouldn’t care.
Can I not care, share, and still be kind?
Can I share the minutia of my life and maybe vent a little to help me on my own journey?
Is it selfish to share the burden or does misery truly love company?
(That saying, by the way, I love it. I always think of it as meaning when a miserable person has company they can be less miserable… and the miserable people can lighten the load of misery and everyone will be better off in the end together, making each other less miserable (Less Miserable is the less popular musical. Oh sure! Yup. It was off off off off off off off off Broadway. It never really found an audience, but I digress …), but I know it really means all the miserable people can be miserable together forever in their misery. How depressing! My way is much better! Plus, if you play your cards right there’s a shot at off off off off off off off off Broadway. So …)
Anyway, I guess I am having a bit of an epiphany (three months late, but whatever).
Maybe this space is really, actually, mine, and I should use it as I see fit regardless of what anyone thinks?
Hobby or not. It’s mine.
I should use it.
Maybe I will.
Maybe I’ll start tomorrow.
It’s only a day away.*
*Thing 2 had a Birthday last week. All she wanted was “Annie”. We watched it last night and I loved it.