Some of the stress is external due to circumstances beyond my control.
Some is from a pure lack of self control these past couple of months.
I think I am starting to really see my role in it.
Seeing it is never enough, though, is it?
I haven’t been posting because I always assume no one wants to hear me.
Maybe I shouldn’t care.
Can I not care, share, and still be kind?
Can I share the minutia of my life and maybe vent a little to help me on my own journey?
Is it selfish to share the burden or does misery truly love company?
(That saying, by the way, I love it. I always think of it as meaning when a miserable person has company they can be less miserable… and the miserable people can lighten the load of misery and everyone will be better off in the end together, making each other less miserable (Less Miserable is the less popular musical. Oh sure! Yup. It was off off off off off off off off Broadway. It never really found an audience, but I digress …), but I know it really means all the miserable people can be miserable together forever in their misery. How depressing! My way is much better! Plus, if you play your cards right there’s a shot at off off off off off off off off Broadway. So …)
Anyway, I guess I am having a bit of an epiphany (three months late, but whatever).
Maybe this space is really, actually, mine, and I should use it as I see fit regardless of what anyone thinks?
Hobby or not. It’s mine.
I should use it.
Maybe I will.
Maybe I’ll start tomorrow.
It’s only a day away.*
*Thing 2 had a Birthday last week. All she wanted was “Annie”. We watched it last night and I loved it.
Today is the first Friday in March and I am declaring the Funky February Funk a thing of the past.
I referred to myself as a writer today.
Out loud.
In public.
Who am I?!?
It came out of my mouth before I could stop myself. So I guess I better get to writing because l am a terrible liar and I’ll be darned if I’ll be the one to make a liar of myself.
I need the habit back. Good, bad or silly. I want to write.
Not just here, either.
Here, there and everywhere!
I have taken some positive, albeit minuscule, steps towards this, but I need to up my game.
I need to figure out a way to cheer myself on the way I would cheer on my children, husband, friends, family – heck even strangers! (Sorry, mom at Costco looking at the Contigo travel cups, but I really do believe your 20 month old can handle the button pushing to get a sip. I do. Why? Because I travelled A LOT with Thing 1 when he was much younger than that and he could do it. Kids are awesome! Believe it.)
But I digress …
I’m going to do this!
If you are someone who would like something written, you should hire me.
I know I can do this.
Until the retirement nest egg starts rolling in, I’ll just keep writing.
I hope you will keep reading and – even if I never hear it – cheering me on.
