It is 10:14 on Saturday March 10th and I have been up for way too many hours for what is supposed to be a relaxing Saturday morning with few obligations. I tried so hard to sleep in, but honestly there are a whole bunch of things on my mind and I am the kind of person who wants everything to be in perfect harmony all the time and this ol’ world hasn’t quite gotten the memo about my perfect 7.5 billion part harmony plan.
The entire world is an awfully big goal, mind you. I get that. I mostly want my teeny tiny part of it to be harmonious, but this week even that has been … well … not good. I mean, if I were Simon Cowell in this situation or even an Elementary School Choir Director, I’d be all …
Regardless, I must keep calm and carry on. I mean, right? Isn’t that all any of us can do?
roll with the punches – ugh so violent – go with the flow is an important life skill. You can’t freak out every time something makes you want to freak out. You just can’t. You’d have no energy left to notice the good things. You’d be in a constant state of sadness or stress or downright panic.
I know this because I have been there, done that, and bought the T-shirt.
Well, no. Not quite. I never did actually buy the T-shirt. The T-shirt wouldn’t fit me because I eat my feelings – because STRESS! (but I digress …)
All this to say, it has been a weeeeeek!
Where was I going with this?
Oh, yes! I have a lot on my mind and when I try to avoid certain things they get more and more naggy in my brain. (Seriously? Naggy isn’t a word? Naggy should absolutely be a word. There. I have used it three times. It’s mine! I am leaving it. Gosh darn it!) Do you know that feeling? It’s like when you have to pay a bill or make a dentist appointment or have a conversation that you really, really, reeeeaaalllly wish you didn’t have to pay/make/have? Like that.
Anyway, above all else this blog and its lack of bloggy joy has been in the forefront of my mind and I am feeling rather pragmatic about the entire situation and have decided that I am going all Sid Vicious on the situation. I am going to continue with Tempered With Kindness and I will write here when I can and I will make no apologies for not doing it the “right” way. (HAH! Whatever the heck that even means! Can you say flavour of the month? I can. I can also – and probably already have – eat it whole, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good for me.)
For instance, maybe this post will have a big, beautiful, blog worthy photo. Maybe it won’t. I haven’t decided yet. I am sure we will all find out in due time and I know my patient, faithful, forgiving, tens of readers will respect my decision even if it isn’t the one they would have made. Right? I am not wrong to have this kind of faith in you, am I? No. I didn’t think so. You are my favourite. You really are.
There are approximately as many reasons why I haven’t been writing here as there are off-key voices in my Human Population Choir. (Oh look! We have a name now! Look for us on iTunes any day now with our 100% Hamilton repertoire.) That is a whole lot of reasons! Somewhere in there, there are also a whole lot of excuses and feelings of self doubt. I am pretty comfortable with my humanness, though, so I am not looking for reassurance or bad blogger asylum.
The truth is, if I want to write – and write well – I simply have to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and write.
Without making promises.
Without making excuses.
Without making apologies.
Without considering all the reasons why I shouldn’t.
Without worrying about who I might bother by speaking my truth.
I will write.
I will write.
I will write.
(Look! Three times! It’s mine!)
It is now 11:55 (I’d tell you what else I have been up too, but you already know how Saturday morning Mom duty goes, I bet, so I won’t bore you with the details.) and I am going to hit publish. (OH! YES I AM!) I am going to hit it right now. I am not saving another draft. No. I am publishing.
(No photo. Oh well. sings I did it myyyyyyyy waaaayyyyyyy!)