WE WERE ON A BREAK! (and it was a BIG mistake)

This was 15 weeks ago.

I was elated. Happy. Proud.

I was Icharus.

Dammit.

What the hell was I thinking?

I am not the kind of person who can stop a thing. I am the kind of person who, in order to be healthy and happy, needs to follow through every single day.

I know I am not alone, but I am embarrassed and sad that I flew too close to the sun.

On the upside Wax Wing soup is scrumptious!

Okay. Okay. I didn’t actually eat Wax Wings à la Icharus, but it is one of the very few things I did not eat over the summer.

I planned to loosen the reins a bit and maybe adapt to an 80/20 approach (which works really well, by the way), but then I heard the ice cream call my name … and it was summer … and it was Friday … and we were on vacation … and when would we be all together in this place again?

And … and … and …

You can see where this is going right?

I’ll just wait here for your eye rolls to stop and your judgement to wash over me.

I KNOW! I know better. I know. It’s true. I do.

sigh

So now what?

Well, for one I am not starting all over again, so yay me. Secondly, I didn’t quite throw the baby out with the bathwater. I know what works and I know what makes me happy and guess what, people? It is not ice cream. (or potato chips) (Hmm. What’s that? I didn’t mention the potato chips? Gee. I was sure I did. looks down and kicks invisible pebbles)

As it turns out, I feel so much better–mind, body, spirit, soul, mood, attitude–when I stick to eating a variety of yummy foods (including a few sweet treats) that are gluten free (this is old news) and also mostly dairy free, corn free, and devoid of sugar. Oh yeah … just one more thing … coffee. Yup. Coffee is on the chopping block.

It sounds like a lot, doesn’t it? I know.

This is partly why (and how) I allowed myself to be stopped.

I am not proud of it, but I am honest, so I will tell you what happened–I let people, who (mostly) do not matter, get in my head.

How sad is that? How silly? How ridiculous? How ludicrous?

How sad.

I literally know hundreds of people who exercise, eat, live, and share their journeys to wellness. There are so many different ways to find what works for you as an individual and I know as well as anyone that it should not matter what anyone else does or says or promotes or buys or endorses.

Yet here we are.

I allowed doubt and fear and alright, maybe a bit of defiance and self-sabotage, thwart me and my efforts.

It isn’t the first time.

When I first went gluten free (or even low carb, waaaaay back when–remember “Protein Power” by the Drs. Eades?–you see.. I was onto something then, too!) I felt so much better, but I let the opinions of others convince me that that couldn’t possibly be what was wrong. I was just fat and Lord knows fat trumps all when it comes to feeling like hammered poo. Amirite? (I know for a fact that if any of you reading this have now or have at any time carried extra fat on your body you know exactly what I am talking about. Every medical anything. Every ache or pain. Each headache or tummy trouble. Anytime the baby nurse takes out the “fat” BP cuff to use on your happily pregnant arm–for God’s sake! Just stop that. Let the Mamma be happy for a half a minute, will ya?!?–the looks, the digging questions, the judgement. All cause a huge heaping helping of self doubt.

Really. Is it any wonder I (I just typed “we”, but this is on me, so here I stand, heart in hand!) doubt myself when for so long clearly any and all of my issues were essentially my fault and my fault alone?

Right?

Right?!?

excuse me for a minute while I take a few deep breaths and go to my happy place

Wrong. Humans are complex creatures and sometimes we carry burdens that we did not create, that we were never meant to carry. For some of us, that burden happens to be visible. When I have the wherewithal to have a sense of humour about it I think of it as my fat suit of armour. I know the truth.

Anyhoo …

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Be nice to people! If someone is doing something and they seem happy and excited or slightly anxious and excited (ANXCITED!) and they are brave enough or trusting enough to share that with you or be open publicly about it, support them. Ask if they are happy about it. Encourage them to go for it. Maybe check in now and then in a non-judge-y way and see how it’s going.

I don’t know.

All I do know is that when I am having doubts and someone swoops in to immediately say the worst of the stuff I am thinking about me (or it or whatever) or point out how difficult a thing is or how they could never give up x, y, z … well, let me get straight to the point (HAH! Have you met me?!) it isn’t helpful. Not even a little bit.

No one really wants to suffer for their art-or for their heart!

So, what is this all about?

Well, to sum up, be nice to people, not just nice–kind. Think before you speak. Certainly, be careful with your say-it-right-out-loud words. Listen more. Pay attention to what you are thinking. Maybe do a double check now and then when you think you have that internally screaming thought and/or eye roll under wraps, and make sure it isn’t written all over your face.

Mind you, if that’s 100% you, by all means, you be you. That is important.

You’ll understand, of course, when I don my eye roll deflector.

Oh, just one more thing–my break is over!

About Peadyhttp://temperedwithkindness.comI’m sensitive and I’d like to stay that way.

11 thoughts on “WE WERE ON A BREAK! (and it was a BIG mistake)

  1. Yeah, no judgement here. I am wary of extreme diets, but if you find something that works for you, I’m happy for you. If you rebound a little, well, it happens to almost everyone. Sometimes I have to step away if someone is talking about intentional weight loss a lot just because my relationship with food and weight is so very VERY fraught, but it’s not out of judgement, just self-protection. Losing weight is hard work, so if that’s someone’s goal and they achieve it, I’m happy and impressed. Accepting an overweight body is also hard work, so if someone does that, I am also happy and impressed.

    • Thank you. I appreciate that. I am, too. In fact, I am wary of anything that calls itself a diet at all. The thing that works best for anyone trying to feel better or maintain health and wellness is the thing they will actually do. I don’t have to be a runner or a gym rat, but I had better keep on walking because I *want* to be a person who can keep on walking. You know?

      And! OMG, yes! It can all be very triggering. BUT! I need to do what is right for me and now is the time. When I am not taking care of myself and I am just focussing on doing too much of anything for everyone else, well … it shows. Balance is elusive. I am ok with that. I will just try and do what I need for myself for now … it is an inside out thing. I am focussed on what is happening on the inside. How I *feel*.

      I am loving the word “and” these days. F’rinstance, I can care about someone else’s feelings, needs, etc. *and* I can take care of my own. It isn’t mutually exclusive.

      I just want to be healthy and happy. I wish the same for other people, of course.

      (Thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate it so much!)

      • Exactly. This is why I would never, ever request that anyone NOT share what they’re doing – it’s my issue and if I have to step away, I do it on my end. And I’m just getting back to the walking thing for the exact same reason, and if I go slow enough I actually look forward to it.

  2. Everyone has their own different path and that path is almost never a straight direct path, but a long and winding road. Sometimes you end up back at the same place but you keep moving forward and take a different fork in the road the next time. Also, summer Sharon is a completely different person than winter Sharon 🙂

    • All of that! Yes! Failing forward, I believe they call that. One foot in front of the other no matter what. It is not a bad way to learn new things. ❤

      Let me tell ya, Summer Laureen created *quite* the job for Fall Laureen. 😉 Winter Laureen, I can already tell, has a solid plan. 😀

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting and for always being so supportive and kind. You are one in a million, Sharon!

    • No no no! It’s all good. I am sorry. I really dislike when that happens, but I assure you your sweet (and funny) comment is present and accounted for! *hugs* (I think WP automatically makes me moderate until I approve a comment from a person and then they auto approve.) (To be clear, I approve!)

  3. My favourite inspirational quote of late: “You know what you have to do.” I’ve known you your entire life and you never sounded as happy as you did Jan thru June. It was palpable in every post and conversation. You were clearly feeling the benefits of being in control and following the routine you were developing. And that is by no means just about weight loss. Just remember that you have way more cheerleaders than critics. To find something that works for you is golden. It might not be for everyone but it works for you. Period. No further explanation required. Looking after your health is the most important thing you can do. You’re a brilliant person and you have a healthy skepticism. You know yourself and you know what you have to do. Aren’t you lucky to have found the situation that works for you! Get after it!! Xoxo

    • I love you the most. That’s a fact!

      I love that quote. It is true. Mind you, it isn’t always easy to do it, of course, but it is totally true. A dear friend (whom you know) had the best retort for people who offer all the “should”s … you know? The “You know what you should do?” types? She’d respond matter-of-factly, “Yes.” Just like that. It is shockingly effective! She is brilliant. Just like “no”, “yes” can also be a complete sentence. I need to tap into both a bit better (more?).

      You are right, of course. When I am all-in I feel fantastic. It isn’t hard. It is enjoyable. The benefits of feeling fantastic and having more energy are undeniable.

      I am *totally* a healthy skeptic. I say that all the time. My BS detector is fully functional! (not so my BS tolerance … that diminishes with each passing year .. along with my edit button. Hah!) If something is garbage I would say so. I only rave over rave worthy things.

      Exhibit A: George Michael.
      Who in all her neon wearing glory, lo those many years ago, *knew* he was as amazing as he was? ME!! 😀

      All silliness aside, thank you. I am the luckiest sister in all the land because I have you.

      I’m not crying! YOU’RE crying!

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